Hey again! Hope everyone had a great week and weekend. I was road tripping visiting my bestie. She is such an awesome support. She made sure to plan meals with me before I headed down so that I could still enjoy myself and stay on plan. Plus she had a guest pass for me to the gym she goes to and made sure I remembered to pack my runners. A great support system is so key in this journey and I am very lucky to have one.
Sometimes though, it doesn't matter how strong your support system is, you fail. Last post I introduced you to the new me! 65 lbs lighter and healthier than ever. Well...that girl is a little bit of a lie. That girl, despite everything that she had put in place to make sure she succeeded failed a little. While she was failing, failing to eat right, failing to go to the gym, failing to do what she needed to do to continue being healthy that girl, gained back 30 lbs.
I was miserable, I was discouraged, disappointed and so angry at myself. It happened so quickly too. Over 1 year of healthy habits was almost undone by 6 months of crappy eating and being lazy. Every time I stepped on the scale and those numbers went higher and higher I vowed to get back on track, to do it again!
I would start, and then something would come up...lunch out with the team? Yea I will indulge, and since I had a shitty lunch, might as well eat that shitty dinner I have been craving too...get it over with right? Except the next day, despite best intentions I would be back at it again. Just a small piece of cake for so and so's birthday. Just 1 small plate of garbage for lunch, it won't hurt. It was never just that one thing, and those numbers continued to rise.
The truth is, it all hurts. All that not good for you foods, the one more bad meals and just one more day away from the gym hurts, and it sucks.
Martin and Brie (and my wonderful husband and family) never failed me though. I would still get messages on my food logs, even if I wasn't logging because my food was no bueno. I would still get texts asking me why I wasn't in class, despite it being my 5th missed class in a row. I was still surrounded by all the support and love that had set me up to succeed.
I can't tell you what got me back on track. It wasn't a revelation of a certain number on the scale. It wasn't my pants getting to tight or having to put away a couple of shirts that didn't look right anymore. I do know that I felt overall gross and unhappy. Every bad meal I ate reminded me of how horrible I felt eating like that all the time.
It was a gradual come back, cutting out the small things from my diet again, and going to the gym 2, 3 and then more times a week. I am cautiously optimistic again and I feel like I am back in my groove. But this time I am aware that I need to keep all those new habits going. The ones that set me on the right path and the ones that helped me lose the 65 lbs. I am also aware of the bad habits, and when those start coming back around, I now know that they lead to a 30 lb gain.
At then end of the day, that fail taught me a lot, and it has helped me come back stronger and more determined than before. It has also helped me be better prepared to spring back from my mistakes and take charge of my journey.
It isn't really failing until you fail to try again, right?