Next week I want to keep introducing you to all the awesome people that Jay and I have met since we joined Downsize, there are so many, but this week I need to share.
From my past blogs and listening to me talk in nutrition you may know that when I joined downsize I had high blood sugar and high blood pressure and that through diet change and working out, I was able to fix that part of my life.
I like being proactive. I like having a challenge and I like having a goal that is result based. Which could be why when I fixed all of that, I kinda went backwards with my weight for a bit...an aha moment right there haha..
Most of you may not know that I also have been diagnosed with Multiples Sclerosis. I was diagnosed about 8 years ago and I have been so very very lucky. My only symptom is numbness in my body, usually from my shoulders down, sometimes from my nose down. Such a silly side effect. It doesn't hurt much, except sometimes my hands and feet) and it doesn't stop me from living my life. When I talk to people about it, I always tell them how lucky I am...until this week that is.
This week I lost sight in my right eye and ended up with a very very bad pain in the right side of my head. I thought I was getting a migraine and thought that it would pass in a day or so. Turns out those migraine I thought I was having were mini episodes of Optic Neuritis, where the nerves in your eye swell and can cause pain and vision loss in one or both eyes. If you want to know more about it there is some great info here.
Here is my honest moment. It fucking sucks. This week sucked, my head hurts, and for work I train remote people which means a lot of looking at a screen. I had the shittiest week. I was emotional, angry and lost. Worst of all, there is nothing I can do about it...not a single thing. You can take your medication and hope that is helps stop further break down of your nerves and sometimes it will and sometimes it won't but MS is totally unpredictable, and you cannot be proactive about it. That is why I hate it the most. I am completely out of control and I can't change a damn thing.
So now I can't see out of my right eye, and the sight may or may not come back, and no one can tell me for sure so now I play the waiting game. I try to stay positive (I live by if your can't change it accept it) but this week I let myself be a angry and sad.
I also let myself by a lot of chocolate...and I mean a lot. And I hate some of it...because I felt sorry for myself and thought, you deserve chocolate...what a stupid thing to think eh? I didn't feel like fighting this weekend. I don't feel bad about it...I mean I feel like shit, but I don't feel bad about my binge. I'm getting up after writing this and throwing it all away. I hate feeling like garbage more than I like eating that garbage.
I'm stressed right now so I'm staying off the scale...it won't matter what I am doing right, I know that it will be a tough loss with the stress. I'm tired and my motivation is down but I am going to tell myself just today. You have to do it today. If you don't want to tomorrow you don't have to, but just today. Taking it one day at a time with everything going on seems a lot easier right now, so just for today I will eat right, drink my water and get moving. We will worry about tomorrow when it comes. That is what my brain and my emotions can handle right now, so for today, I'm gonna kill it!
Thanks for reading everyone I needed to get that off my chest <3